Marriage Customs and Rituals among Urdu Speaking People

Urdu is mainly spoken by Muslims living in India. It is a language that evolved out of Moghal Lashkars ( لشکروں ) all over India and it picked up its dialects from Maharashtra, Karnataka, Delhi and Uttar Pradesh. It has its roots in the Persian Farsi language. The script is Arabic. Muslim weddings in India perform their Nikaah (نکاح) and all other ceremonies in the Urdu language. The rituals and customs that are connected with Muslim weddings may vary from one region to another in India. However, the principal marriage rituals are very much the same in many regions. Behind each Muslim marriage, the core principle is that it celebrates the sacred alliance of two people and souls. The Muslim bride and groom have to perform numerous wedding customs before and after the marriage.

Major Pre-Wedding Urdu Matrimonial Customs

• Istekharaاستخاره - This is one of the crucial rituals in a Muslim wedding in India among the Urdu speaking people. The priests selected by both the families come together and pray to seek divine consent and blessings to go ahead with other ceremonies and rituals of the wedding. Once the prayers are done, the mother of the groom will visit the family of the bride to tie the silver or gold coin on the bride’s upper hand. This ritual is known as tying of Imam-e-Zaminامام ضامن.
• Mangni  منگنی – This is the engagement ceremony during which the groom and the bride exchange rings as in the Christian customs. During this function, both the families also exchange gifts, fruits, sweets and dry fruits. Mangni is always held in the house of the bride.
• Manjhe – منجھے شادی تقریب- This is a special ceremony which allows the bride to wear yellow clothes. Female members of her family and all other female relatives apply a paste of sandalwood and turmeric on her body and face. It is customary among Muslim rituals that after the Manjhe, the bride has to stay at home and not leave the house until the wedding day.
• Mehndi مہندی – This ceremony also takes place in the house of the bride where all female members of the family and relatives get together to apply henna paste with artistic designs on the hands, neck and feet of the bride. It is also applied later to all the people taking part in the ceremony.
• Sanchaq سانشاق – The family of the groom sends ornaments and clothes for the bride to her place. She has to wear the sari and ornaments during the wedding ceremony.

Major Wedding Urdu Matrimonial Customs

• Baraat برات – The reception of the Baraat is an important part of a Muslim Urdu wedding. The family of the bride welcomes the full entourage of the groom as he arrives at the venue of the marriage. The male members of the bride’s family welcome the groom and all his relatives and friends who come with the procession. Refreshing drinks such as sherbets are offered along with gifts as a ritual of welcoming them.
• Nikaah نکاح – This is the core of an Urdu Muslim wedding ceremony. It is always conducted in the presence of two maulvis or priests and close family members from both sides. As per traditional customs, the men and women are seated separately. The Ijab-e-Qubul إجاب-o-كوبول part of the Nikaah is when the bride accepts the proposal made by the groom through a maulvi. This is done thrice. After the bride’s consent, the groom is also three times by the maulvi whether he accepts the bride as his wife. Upon acceptance, then a mehr مہر amount is decided upon as a dower of security for the bride in case of widowhood or divorce. After qubul rituals, the Nikaahnama نکاح نامہ is signed by the couple and their elders.
• Khutba خطبہ – Nikaah is followed by a Khutba خطبہ. It is a form of religious discourse on the responsibilities, religiously, of both the groom and the bride towards each other and towards their families and God. Blessings are then given by the maulvis to the couple for a happy and prosperous married life. The Khutba خطبہ is usually followed by a lavish dinner that is hosted by the family of the bride and the couple is seated face to face with their heads covered by a dupatta. The Holy Quran and a small mirror are placed between them through which they can see each other for the first time during this ceremony. This ritual is known as `Aarsi Mushaf’ مصحف. .

Post-Wedding Urdu Matrimonial Customs

• Bidaai الوداعی or Rukhsat رخصت - After the Nikaah and the subsequent dinner function, the bride is bid farewell by her family members as she prepares to leave for her new house with her husband. This is known as the Rukhsat رخصت ceremony. When the bride reaches her new home, the mother of the groom holds a copy of the Holy Quran above the bride’s head as she enters her new home.
• Valima شادی سجا – This is a grand feast, usually a dinner function that is given the following day after the wedding. This feast is hosted by the family of the groom. During this ceremony, the bride and the groom are now seated next to each other as they meet all the invitees and receive gifts from them.
• Chauthi چوتھی – This custom is usually observed when the couple visits the house of the bride’s family four days after their marriage. Once again, a lavish feast is arranged in their honour as they meet and greet all members of the bride’s family along with her relatives. The parents of the bride present gifts to the bride and the groom. Generally, after the Chauthi, the groom stays with his in-laws for a period of three nights.

Observations

The most important part of the Muslin Urdu matrimony rituals in this country are the Nikaah and the Khutba. There are numerous other rituals that are involved with the Nikaah ceremony and the Maulvis or the two representative religious heads attached to both the families are considered crucial for the ceremony. The Walis are the guardians or the fathers of the bride and the groom. Their presence and signing as witnesses on the Nikaahnama is also important. The Nikaah ceremony gets legally confirmed once the bride accepts the groom’s proposal in the Ijab-e-Qubul ritual.