Bengali weddings include several ceremonies and rituals that can stretch over many days.

Bengali Hindu Wedding

Pre-Wedding Rituals

• Arrangement of the Wedding (দ্বারা বিবাহের) - Traditional Hindu wedding is arranged by Ghotoks who are the matchmakers. They are either friends or relatives of the couple and they can even be professional matchmakers.

• Ashirbaad (বর) - The elders of the groom will puck an auspicious day and visit the bride’s house to bless her and this involves sprinkling of trefoil and husked rice on the bride’s head and gifting of gold ornaments.

• Aai Budo Bhaat (আমি ভাত) - This is a kind of a bachelorette function for the bride and it is hosted by the friends and relatives. This ritual signifies their approval of the wedding and also motivates community feeling.

• Holud Kota (কোটা) - This is a ritual in which five married women of the wedding household grind turmeric with pestle and mortar to anoint the bride with the paste in order to brighten up her complexion.

• Dodhi Mongol (মোঙ্গল) - At dawn, on the day of the wedding, seven married ladies will adorn the hands of the bride with traditional bangles – Paula and Shakha – these are one pair of white bangles mixed with a pair of red bangles. They will also feed her a meal of curd rice.

Main Wedding Rituals

• Bor Jatri (জলোচ্ছাস যাত্রী) - The members of the groom’s family visit the house of the bride where the wedding will generally take place.

• Bor Boron (জলোচ্ছাস বোরন) - The mother of the bride along with other members of the bride’s family will welcome the groom’s family by showing them the holy earthen lamp. They also sprinkle trefoil and husked rice on a kula or a bamboo winnow. They are then served drinks and sweets.

• Potto Bastra (বাস্তার) - The groom is made to sit at the Chadnatolla or the wedding canopy. This is the sanctum sanctorum of the wedding ritual. The groom takes his place along with the priest and the bride. The groom is given Sampradaan – new clothes are offered by the bride’s family.

• Sata Paka (সাত পাক) - The bride is made to sit on a Pidi or a low wooden stool. She is then lifted by her brothers or cousin brothers and is carried around the groom in seven circles. This is symbolic of the couple winding securely to one another.

• Mala Badal (মাল্য পরিবর্তন) - Once the circles get completed, the groom and the bride exchange flower garlands and this is the first step to signify that they accept one another.

• Subho Dristi ( শুভ দৃষ্টি) - The bride and the groom are then made to look directly at each other as invitees watch this ritual. This is an exchange of a loving glance that initiates them into the society with an official union.

• Yagna (বলিদান) - The groom and the bride sit before the sacred fire and mantras or Vedic verses are chanted by the priest. The couple has to repeat the recitation after the priest. Agni, the fire god acts as the divine witness to this marriage.

• Anjali (অঞ্জলি) - An offering is made to the fire god. Khoi or puffed rice is given to the bride and the groom reaches out to hold her hands and extend the arms forward towards the fire. They have to pour this offering into the fire, together.

• Sindoor Daan (সিঁদুর দাতব্য) - In the Chadnatolla, the groom has to apply vermilion or `sindoor’ on the parting of her hair. This is a symbol of marriage. The bride has to then cover her head with a new Ghomta or sari as a veil. This ritual is followed by ululation and the blowing of conch shells.

Most Bengali Hindu weddings are held in the evening muhurthams.

Post-Wedding Rituals

• Bidaay (ছাড়াছাড়ি) - This is a mixed emotions moment of sorrow and joy as the bride is bid farewell by her parents and relatives to begin a new life with her partner.

• Kaal Ratri (অন্ধকার রাতের) - When the couple reaches the house of the groom, there is an initial welcoming ceremony for the bride. In Bengali tradition, the couple is separated for the night to get refreshed and a good night’s sleep to prepare for the next day’s final wedding ceremony.

• Bou Bhaat ((বৌদ্ধ চাল) – The bride has to cook and serve the members of her husband’s family. A feast is held to treat the invited guests, who bring in gifts for the bride.

• Phool Shojja (ফুল ঘুম) - The couple is taken to their room on the day after the wedding for their conjugal bliss and consummation where a bed decorated with flowers awaits them.

• Shubhochuni Satyanarayan Puja (ভালো মনোনীত পূজা) - On the eighth day after the wedding, a Satyanarayana Puja is conducted by the family of the groom in which the newlyweds are blessed by the Purohit or priest and prayers are offered to bless the couple with a happy married life.

• Oshto Mongola (ত্তষ্ঠ্যমঙ্গল) - After the Satyanarayan Puja, the couple visits the house of the bride and they spend three nights there. Among Bengali traditions, this ritual is also known as Fira-Jatra.

Observations

The tying of the knot in traditional Bengali custom involves a series of colourful and elaborate rituals. These customs are of great importance in the couple’s conjugal life. Ululation and blowing of conch shells by women gathered at the venue of the wedding is perhaps the most characteristic of a Bengali wedding.

Bengali Muslim Marriage Customs

Pre-Wedding Rituals

• Gayer Holud (মুসলিম বিবাহের অ) - A Muslim Bengali wedding is a four-day affair. This informal ritual is dedicated only to the bride. It takes place a couple of days prior to the wedding at the bride’s house. This is the day when the bride gets her gifts in the form of wedding trousseau that includes the bridal sari, jewellery, shoes, perfumes, makeup kits and dresses.

Wedding Rituals

• Biye (বিএ) - This is the Nikaah Ceremony. The bride and the groom will be seated in separate areas and their wedding vows will be taken separately by their representative moulvis or priests. The Nikaahnama or the marriage document will be signed by the couple and their parents. A Mehr or a dower amount will be agreed upon. This is to create financial independence in case the bride gets widowed or divorced in future.

Post-Wedding Rituals

• Boubhath (বিইউবিটি) – This is the equivalent of a Valima or a Reception Ceremony. It is hosted by the family of the groom the next day after the marriage to welcome the bride into her new family.

Bengali Christian Wedding Customs

There are many Christians living in Bengal. They can be described as Christians by religion but Bengali by language and nativity.

Before the wedding takes place, there will a Bridal Shower party at the bride’s place and a Bachelor Party at the groom’s place.

Bengali Christian marriages have a large attendance as the families have plenty of relatives all over the country who come in for the big occasion to bless the couple. The weddings are held at a church where the groom’s family is a registered member of.

The priest will call upon the bride and the groom. They will hold hands and take the wedding vows as per the instructions given by the priest. The rings will then be exchanged and the lighting of the candles will take place. The priest will deliver a `Homily’ sermon to the couple and prays for their happy married life.

After the wedding, there is a tradition of the couple going on their honeymoon vacation.